Colonoscopy

Ok, so tomorrow is my colonoscopy. I will not go into details as to why they are going to taking a film crew up my Hershey highway. It is not your business and if you were the sort of person who was into that sort of thing, well, damn it I'm married.

Everyone that knows about the test seems to think I am worried about the colonoscopy itself. Which I am not. Let's see someone is going to shoot me up and then some other guy is going to shove something up my ass. That is called Thursday night for 80% of the West Village.

No, I am more concerned with why they are doing it. Because I know blood coming out of your ass aint a good thing. I tend to doubt my doctor and his buddies were sitting around trying to figure out what to do tomorrow and shoving something up my ass was the best option they could come up with. Screw that and go play golf, go to a strip joint, hell watch All in the Family reruns. Damn it.

It is probably more like my doctor got a call from his wife to tell him that her parents were coming over for the day. And he was all "Well, that is a shame as I have a new patient who needs a procedure right away. Yes he needs, um, a. . . colonoscopy. Yes he needs a colonoscopy. So I will not be able to see your lovely Mother that day."

I went into his office last week and they stuck a hose up me bum to inflate it, so he could get a better look around. As he was inflating my rectum, and we all know the distinctive sound a compressor makes, with my but high in the air he says "Nice shoes". I am thinking "Pay fucking attention to what you are doing", but it came out "Thanks".


By the way does anybody read this?