On Turning 40.

I realized today that I have been having sex longer than my intern has been alive.

I have decided that turning 40 is going to suck.

Big time.

Like a Tim Burton film.

Updated List

Movies
Star Wars: Episode 4 A New Hope - First movie put on the list - 5 votes
Lord Of the Rings Trilogy - 5 votes
Casablanca - 4 votes
A Wonderful Life - 2 Votes
Blade Runner - 2 Votes
Clerks - 2 Votes
Star Wars 5 - Empire Strikes Back - 2 votes
Exorcist - 2 Votes
Ghost Dog 2 - votes
Gone With the Wind - 2 votes
Jaws - 2 votes
Manchurian Candidate (original) - 2 votes
One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest - 2 Votes
Rashomon - 2 votes
The 10 Commandments - Original with Charlton Heston - 2 votes
The Godfather - 2 votes
The Sound of Music - 2 votes
Wizard of Oz - 2 Votes
A Fish Called Wanda
Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein
Animal House
Aliens
Apocalypse Now
Barbarella
Battle of the Bulge - Henry Fonda
BeastMaster
Bells of St. Mary's
Bowling for Columbine
Brain Candy
Brazil
Bridge of the River Kwai
Bridges of Madison county
Children of Paradise
Citizen Kane
Clash of the Titans
Contact
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Die Hard
Dogma
Dracula (Original with Bella Ligousi)
Dune
Fantasia
Fight Club
For a Few Dollars More
Forest Gump
Galaxy Quest
Goldfinger
Goodfellas
Heavenly Creatures
Hello Dolly
High Fidelity
Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
Kung Fu - David Carradine, Made for TV
Manchurian Candidate (remake)
Matewan
Memento
Modern Times
Moulin Rouge
Nightmare Before Christmas
North By Northwest
Office Space
Out of Africa
Paris, Texas
Princes Bride
Project A - Jackie Chan
Psycho
Re-animator
Rear Window
Robin Hood with Errol Flynn
Royal Tenenbaums
Say Anything
Schindler's List
Silence of the Lambs
Seven Samurai
Singing in the Rain
Sophie’s Choice
Star Wars 6 - Return of the Jedi
The Big Lebowski
The Cocoanuts with The Marx Brothers
The Cook The Thief His Wife & Her Lover
The Godfather 2
The Great Race
The Greatest Story Ever Told
The Incredibles
The Matrix
The Passion of the Christ
The Quiet Man
The Ring
The Seventh Seal
The Shining
The Thin Man
The Thing (original)
The Usual Suspect
The Way We Were
The Wolf Man
The Zero Effect
Texas Chainsaw Massacarre - (original)
They were expendable
West Side Story
Young Frankenstein
Zatoichi


Now for the Books
Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 5 votes
Moby Dick - Melville - 5 votes
Dune - 3 votes
Ulysses - James Joyce - 3 votes
100 years of solitude - Garcia Marquez - 2 votes
A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - 2 Votes
Animal Farm - Orwell - 2 Votes
Any book by Kurt Vonnegut - 2 votes
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller - 2 votes
Geek Love - 2 votes
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling – 2 Votes
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - 2 Votes
Illuminatus! - Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shae - 2 votes - First book to receive multiple votes & first book put on the list
Junkie - William S. Burroughs - 2 Votes
Odyssey - 2 votes
Silence of the Lambs- 2 Votes
The Stand - S. King - 2 Votes
The Stranger - Albert Camus - 2 votes
The World According to Garp - 2 Votes
Waiting For Godot - Samuel Beckett - 2 votes
Watchmen - 2 votes
Wuthering Heights - 2 votes
1984
A Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking
A Civil Action
A good biography on Abraham Lincoln
Alone---Byrd
American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis
An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser
An Essay Concerning Human Understanding - John Locke
Anna Karenina - Tolstoy
Anything by Dick Francis
Anything by Kipling
Anything by Cussler
As Told at the Explorers Club
Athletic Shorts - Chris Crutcher or anything else by him
Battle Cry Freedom
Belladonna - Karen Moline
Beowulf
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
Bodyline Autopsy by David Frith
Borstal Boy
Catcher and the Rye - Salinger
Circle of Gold
Civil War - Shelby Foote
Cloudsplitter - Russell Banks
Collected Star Man comics - James Robinson
Collected Stories - Franz Kafka
Collected Stories - Edgar Allan Poe
Confronting Silence - Toru Takemitsu
Cosmos - Carl Sagan
Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters - John Waters
Crime and Punishment - Fydor Dostoyevsky
Dark Knight Returns - Frank Miller
DareDevil - Frank Miller
DK Atlas of World History
Don't smoke grass on my father's lawn (son of Charlie Chaplin),
Dreadnought - Robert Massie
Einstein's Dreams - Alan Lightman
Enders Game - Orson Scott Card
Fahrenheir 451 - Ray Bradbury
Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72, - Hunter Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter Thompson
Flyboys---Bradley
Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel - Groucho and Chico Marx
For Whom the Bell Tolls---Hemingway
Foucault's Pendulum
Foundation Trilogy
Fountainhead
Getting Things Done
Girlfriend in a Coma - Douglas Coupland
Godel, Escher, Bach - Douglas Hofstadter
Gone with the Wind
Good Earth
Good Omens - Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchet
Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon
Great Gatsby
Green Arrow, Archers Quest - Brad Meltzer, Phil Hester
Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
Gulliver's Travels
His Dark Materials Trilogy – Phillip Pullman
How The Dead Live - Will Self
I know why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou
Iliad - Homer
In Dubious Battle - Steinbeck
In Search of Schrödinger's Cat - John Gibbons (non fiction)
In the Heart of the sea---Plhilbrick
It - S. King
Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
Kane & Abel
Kite Runner
Lance Armstrong's first book
L.A. Confidential - James Elroy
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol 1
Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Life on Earth by David Attenborough
Love in the time of Cholera
Madam Bovary
Maltese Falcon
Meditations on First Philosophy - Descartes
Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
Middlemarch - George Eliot
Monkey, A Journey to the West
Neuromancer - William Gibson
No Ordinary Time
Of Mice & Men - John Steinbeck
Old Man and the Sea - Hemmingway
On the Road
Oxbow Incident
Paradise Lost
Pharmakopia
Poetics of Music - Igor Stravinsky
Portable Beat Reader - many writers (Ginsberg, Kerouac, Burroughs)
Rose Madder - S. King
Rule of the Bone - Russell Banks
Science and Human Values - Bronowski
Shackleton
Siddhartha - Herman Hesse
Snow Ghosts (also called The Snowstorm)
Still Life with Woodpecker - Robbins
Swamp Thing - Alan Moore
Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
The Abs Diet - David Zinczenko
The Big Book of Conspiracies - Robert Anton Wilson
The Big Sea - Langston Hughes
The Collected Calvin & Hobbes
The Cousins' War
The Dark Is Rising - series by Susan Cooper
The Dilbert Principle or The Way of the Weasel - Scott Adams
The Firm---Grisham
The Godfather - Mario Puzo
The Great War and Modern Memory
The Heart is Deceitful Above All things - JT Leroy
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Illuminati Papers - Robert Anton Wilson
The Pirate Lafayette,
The Power of Myth - Joseph Campbell
The Prince
The Proud Tower
The Rites of Spring - Madras Eckstein
The Secret of the Unicorn/Red Rackham's Treasure by Herge
The Son Also Rises - Hemmingway
The Third Chimpanzee - Jared Diamond
The Tin Drum - Gunter Grass
The Tipping Point
The Trial - Kafka
The Wizard of Oz series - Frank L Baum
Three Musketeers
Tom Sawyer - Mark Tawain
Tomb of Dracula - Marv Wolfman
Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller
Walden - Thoreau
Warriors of God
Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak
White Noise
Winnie the Pooh
Winter Soldier - Robert Ketchum
Wonderful Life by Stephen Jay Gould
Zen and art of Motorcycle Maintenance

And Now for the Worst Movies
13 Ghosts - The remake
30th Anniversary Night of the Living Dead DVD - they recut the film.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire
Batman - Another Tim Burton movie
Bill & Ted – both movies
Blue velvet
Boxing Helena
Casino Royale (1967 starring David Niven)
Destiny Turns On the Radio
Die Another Day
Double Agent 73
Eraserhead
Family Stone
Howling 2
Howling 3
Howling 4
Howling 5
Interview with a Vampire
Ishtar
Jaws 3D
Mars Attacks
Meet the Fockers
Plan 9 From Outer Space
Planet of the Apes - the Tim (I have to wipe my ass on really good things) Burton remake.
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Something about Mary
Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
Starship Troopers
Surf Nazi's Must Die
Tarzan the Ape Man – The Bo Derek movie
Top Gun

Sith at work

I was complaining about a major shake up at work, until I found out that the new guy my boss would be reporting to is a former employee of my boss and they have a mentor/student/Sith thing going on. Here is how a buddy of mine responded.

Sith thing? Does this mean he killed your boss and took his place? Always there are two. Are you are the new Apprentice? Have you shed Dave Mielcarek to become Darth Malevolence? Does the hatred of your commute make you strong in the Darkside? Young fool. Only now, at your bosses end do you finally grasp the power of the Dark Commute! With each passing mile the Dark Side grows in its dominance of your destiny! The commuters are defenseless. Take your weapon - strike them down with all of your hatred; the blood dimmed tide will be loosed and the bus will fill with the scent of a butcher shop as you wade through their ichor to exit at your stop. Only then will your journey to the Dark Side be complete! Bwahahahahahaha...

Solar Fleet

Ok, some times at work I like to piss away time. So if you want to help me earn some credits click the Solar Fleet link below.

Cool game.

THX

Join the battle for the stars in SolarFleet!

Updated Lists

We have updates to the lists:

First The Best Movies:

1. Star Wars: Episode 4 A New Hope - First movie put on the list - 5 votes
2. Casablanca - 4 votes
3. Lord Of the Rings Trilogy - 4 votes
4. A Wonderful Life - 2 Votes
5. Blade Runner - 2 Votes
6. Clerks - 2 Votes
7. Star Wars 5 - Empire Strikes Back - 2 votes
8. Exorcist - 2 Votes
9. Ghost Dog 2 - votes
10. Gone With the Wind - 2 votes
11. Jaws - 2 votes
12. Manchurian Candidate (original) - 2 votes
13. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest - 2 Votes
14. Rashomon - 2 votes
15. The 10 Commandments - Original with Charlton Heston - 2 votes
16. The Godfather - 2 votes
17. The Sound of Music - 2 votes
18. Wizard of Oz - 2 Votes
19. Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein
20. Animal House
21. Aliens
22. Apocalypse Now
23. Barbarella
24. Battle of the Bulge - Henry Fonda
25. BeastMaster
26. Bells of St. Mary's
27. Bowling for Columbine
28. Brain Candy
29. Brazil
30. Bridge of the River Kwai
31. Bridges of Madison county
32. Children of Paradise
33. Citizen Kane
34. Clash of the Titans
35. Contact
36. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
37. Die Hard
38. Dogma
39. Dracula (Original with Bella Ligousi)
40. Dune
41. Fantasia
42. Fight Club
43. For a Few Dollars More
44. Forest Gump
45. Galaxy Quest
46. Goldfinger
47. Goodfellas
48. Heavenly Creatures
49. Hello Dolly
50. Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade
51. Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
52. Kung Fu - David Carradine, Made for TV
53. Manchurian Candidate (remake)
54. Modern Times
55. Moulin Rouge
56. Nightmare Before Christmas
57. North By Northwest
58. Office Space
59. Out of Africa
60. Princes Bride
61. Project A - Jackie Chan
62. Psycho
63. Re-animator
64. Rear Window
65. Robin Hood with Errol Flynn
66. Royal Tenenbaums
67. Schindler's List
68. Silence of the Lambs
69. Seven Samurai
70. Singing in the Rain
71. Star Wars 6 - Return of the Jedi
72. The Big Lebowski
73. The Cocoanuts with The Marx Brothers
74. The Cook The Thief His Wife & Her Lover
75. The Godfather 2
76. The Great Race
77. The Greatest Story Ever Told
78. The Incredibles
79. The Passion of the Christ
80. The Quiet Man
81. The Ring
82. The Seventh Seal
83. The Shining
84. The Thin Man
85. The Thing (original)
86. The way we were
87. The Wolf Man
88. The Zero Effect
89. Texas Chainsaw Massacarre - (original)
90. They were expendable
91. West Side Story
92. Young Frankenstein
93. Zatoichi

Now for the Books

1. Lord of the Rings Trilogy - 5 votes
2. Moby Dick - Melville - 5 votes
3. Ulysses - James Joyce - 3 votes
4. 100 years of solitude - Garcia Marquez - 2 votes
5. A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - 2 Votes
6. Animal Farm - Orwell - 2 Votes
7. Any book by Kurt Vonnegut - 2 votes
8. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller - 2 votes
9. Dune - 2 votes
10. Geek Love - 2 votes
11. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy - 2 Votes
12. Illuminatus! - Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shae - 2 votes - First book to receive multiple votes & first book put on the list
13. Junkie - William S. Burroughs - 2 Votes
14. Odyssey - 2 votes
15. Silence of the Lambs- 2 Votes
16. The Stand - S. King - 2 Votes
17. The Stranger - Albert Camus - 2 votes
18. The World According to Garp - 2 Votes
19. Waiting For Godot - Samuel Beckett - 2 votes
20. Watchmen - 2 votes
21. Wuthering Heights - 2 votes
22. 1984
23. A Brief History of Time - Stephen Hawking
24. A good biography on Abraham Lincoln
25. Alone---Byrd
26. American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis
27. An American Tragedy - Theodore Dreiser
28. An Essay Concerning Human Understanding - John Locke
29. Anna Karenina - Tolstoy
30. Anything by Kipling
31. Anything by Cussler
32. As Told at the Explorers Club
33. Athletic Shorts - Chris Crutcher or anything else by him
34. Battle Cry Freedom
35. Belladonna - Karen Moline
36. Beowulf
37. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
38. Bodyline Autopsy by David Frith
39. Borstal Boy
40. Catcher and the Rye - Salinger
41. Civil War - Shelby Foote
42. Cloudsplitter - Russell Banks
43. Collected Star Man comics - James Robinson
44. Collected Stories - Franz Kafka
45. Collected Stories - Edgar Allan Poe
46. Confronting Silence - Toru Takemitsu
47. Cosmos - Carl Sagan
48. Crackpot: The Obsessions of John Waters - John Waters
49. Crime and Punishment - Fydor Dostoyevsky
50. Dark Knight Returns - Frank Miller
51. DareDevil - Frank Miller
52. DK Atlas of World History
53. Don't smoke grass on my father's lawn (son of Charlie Chaplin),
54. Dreadnought - Robert Massie
55. Einstein's Dreams - Alan Lightman
56. Enders Game - Orson Scott Card
57. Fahrenheir 451 - Ray Bradbury
58. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72, - Hunter Thompson
59. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Hunter Thompson
60. Flyboys---Bradley
61. Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel - Groucho and Chico Marx
62. For Whom the Bell Tolls---Hemingway
63. Foucault's Pendulum
64. Fountainhead
65. Getting Things Done
66. Girlfriend in a Coma - Douglas Coupland
67. Godel, Escher, Bach - Douglas Hofstadter
68. Gone with the Wind
69. Good Earth
70. Good Omens - Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchet
71. Gravity's Rainbow - Thomas Pynchon
72. Great Gatsby
73. Green Arrow, Archers Quest - Brad Meltzer, Phil Hester
74. Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss
75. Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
76. Gulliver's Travels
77. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
78. How The Dead Live - Will Self
79. I know why the Caged Bird Sings - Maya Angelou
80. Iliad - Homer
81. In Dubious Battle - Steinbeck
82. In Search of Schrödinger's Cat - John Gibbons (non fiction)
83. In the Heart of the sea---Plhilbrick
84. It - S. King
85. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
86. Kane & Abel
87. Lance Armstrong's first book
88. L.A. Confidential - James Elroy
89. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Vol 1
90. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
91. Life on Earth by David Attenborough
92. Love in the time of Cholera
93. Madam Bovary
94. Maltese Falcon
95. Meditations on First Philosophy - Descartes
96. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
97. Middlemarch - George Eliot
98. Monkey, A Journey to the West
99. Neuromancer - William Gibson
100. Of Mice & Men - John Steinbeck
101. Old Man and the Sea - Hemmingway
102. On the Road
103. Oxbow Incident
104. Paradise Lost
105. Pharmakopia
106. Poetics of Music - Igor Stravinsky
107. Portable Beat Reader - many writers (Ginsberg, Kerouac, Burroughs)
108. Rose Madder - S. King
109. Rule of the Bone - Russell Banks
110. Science and Human Values - Bronowski
111. Shackleton
112. Siddhartha - Herman Hesse
113. Snow Ghosts (also called The Snowstorm)
114. Still Life with Woodpecker - Robbins
115. Swamp Thing - Alan Moore
116. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
117. The Abs Diet - David Zinczenko
118. The Big Book of Conspiracies - Robert Anton Wilson
119. The Big Sea - Langston Hughes
120. The Collected Calvin & Hobbes
121. The Cousins' War
122. The Dilbert Principle or The Way of the Weasel - Scott Adams
123. The Firm---Grisham
124. The Godfather - Mario Puzo
125. The Great War and Modern Memory
126. The Heart is Deceitful Above All things - JT Leroy
127. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien
128. The Illuminati Papers - Robert Anton Wilson
129. The Pirate Lafayette,
130. The Power of Myth - Joseph Campbell
131. The Prince
132. The Proud Tower
133. The Rites of Spring - Madras Eckstein
134. The Secret of the Unicorn/Red Rackham's Treasure by Herge
135. The Son Also Rises - Hemmingway
136. The Third Chimpanzee - Jared Diamond
137. The Tin Drum - Gunter Grass
138. The Tipping Point
139. The Trial - Kafka
140. The Wizard of Oz series - Frank L Baum
141. Three Musketeers
142. Tom Sawyer - Mark Tawain
143. Tomb of Dracula - Marv Wolfman
144. Tropic of Cancer - Henry Miller
145. Walden - Thoreau
146. Warriors of God
147. Where the Wild Things Are - Maurice Sendak
148. White Noise
149. Winnie the Pooh
150. Winter Soldier - Robert Ketchum
151. Wonderful Life by Stephen Jay Gould
152. Zen and art of Motorcycle Maintenance

And Now for the Worst Movies

1. 13 Ghosts - The remake
2. 30th Anniversary Night of the Living Dead DVD - they recut the film.
3. Atlantis: The Lost Empire
4. Batman - Another Tim Burton movie
5. Blue velvet
6. Boxing Helena
7. Casino Royale (1967 starring David Niven)
8. Destiny Turns On the Radio
9. Die Another Day
10. Double Agent 73
11. Eraserhead
12. Family Stone
13. Howling 2
14. Howling 3
15. Howling 4
16. Howling 5
17. Interview with a Vampire
18. Ishtar
19. Jaws 3D
20. Mars Attacks
21. Meet the Fockers
22. Plan 9 From Outer Space
23. Planet of the Apes - the Tim (I have to wipe my ass on really good things) Burton remake.
24. Rocky Horror Picture Show
25. Something about Mary
26. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
27. Starship Troopers
28. Surf Nazi's Must Die
29. Tarzan the Ape Man
30. Top Gun

Here are some of the comments people submitted with their best and worst picks.

First the worst picks:

1. Planet of the Apes - the Tim (I have to wipe my ass on really good things) Burton remake. What a monumental piece of crap. I have had hemorrhoids that I enjoyed more. And the ending - what the ever living fuck was that? The movie contradicted itself so many times and in so many ways it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. Do not see it. First movie with 2 votes.
2. 30th Anniversary Night of the Living Dead DVD - they recut the film. Check out this great rant http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=4397 - Best Rant about a bad movie ever!
3. Batman - Another Tim Burton suck fest. I have to admit I saw this twice because the first time I could not believe how bad it was. I figured "Well I am a fan of the Batman comic, so maybe I am just being really hard on the film." So in all fairness I saw it again. Still sucked
4. Blue velvet - Imagine Salvador Dali directing "Abbot & Costello meet Marilyn Chambers". Now make it unfunny and boring. I was more interested in the coat of the guy sitting in front of me than this movie. I think if a date drags you to a movie that sucks this bad she ows your a BJ.
5. Boxing Helena - Another film that even though there is a lot of nudity, and hot nudity at that, it does not matter - nothing will ever save this movie. When I and the audience left the movie we told the people waiting on line to go see another film. When someone responded that it could not be that bad, we all looked at each other and in unison said "It's a dream sequence". Everyone on line went to another movie.
6. Destiny Turns On the Radio - One of the most boring movies ever made. Quentin Tarantino guest starred as a favor to his no-talent director buddy. A complete waste of everyone's time.
7. Double Agent 73 - This is a soft core movie where secret agent Chesty Morgan has a camera inserted in her breast so when she wants to take a picture she whips it out and squeezes. I was going through puberty when I saw this movie and even all the nudity could not save this movie.
8. Mars Attacks - In the long, long list of awful, fake-artsy Tim Burton movies, this one sucks the most ass. Quite a feat there, Tim.
9. Something about Mary - Cameron Diaze would have to actually give blowjobs in the theater to get me to see this waste of time again.
10. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - Shatner finally gets to direct one and boy is it an ass wipe of a film. The plot involves Spock's long lost never mentioned brother. But the main reason he did it - the final fight of the movie - Kirk vs. God. And Kirk wins.
11. Surf Nazi's Must Die - The shittiest of all the shitty Troma movies. Granted, that's like comparing which is worse: leprosy or ebola. They both suck, but which would you rather die from?
12. Tarzan the Ape Man - This convinced me that Bo Derek sucks. In fact, everyone involved with this movie sucks. I suck for sitting thru it. Boring soft-core porn for people who are afraid to watch the real thing.
13. Top Gun - Jingoistic Tom Cruise bullshit with an annoying, awful soundtrack. This movie is why the 80's sucked. Really. It's solely responsible. It ruined the decade for me.

Now the good movies and books:

1. Clerks – This is a movie about what my life could have been. I had a friend that worked in a comic shop who was a lot like Dante and there is always a “Randle” at a comic store. Another buddy and I used to hang out there. I was the Silent Bob to his Jay. Hell I used to date girls who lived in that town in New Jersey. Scary how much it got right.
2. The Passion of the Christ - Haven't seen it but read the book. I have noticed it's effect upon people and add it to this list based on that. A lesson in love that has a greater impact upon one's thinking than the common viewer recognizes.
3. The Greatest Story Ever Told - The story of Christ; done well for film. (Trivia: John Wayne plays the Centurion. He has one line: "Truly this was the Son of God." You recognize that voice instantly.)
4. Dune - The movie is not as good as the book but is worthy in its own right. The Mentat mantra spoken upon taking the Juice of Sapho is original to the movie and not in the books; "It is by will alone I set my mind in motion...". It was that mantra that inspired my writing of the cocaine mantra: "It is by will alone I set my lust in motion...".
5. The Thin Man – Nick and Nora Charles are one of the great underrated screen couples. Nick’s desire to not get involved vs. Nora’s desire to get involved. Nick’s bumbling drunk investigating is in many ways a pre-curser to Columbo’s style of investigation. Plus it’s really funny.
6. Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back – Went to see this a few days after September 11th. We were living in the West Village at the time off 6th Avenue and used to see The World Trade Center every day. My wife had lost friends in the attack and we had both over the last few months been offered jobs down there. Fortunately we had turned them down. We could not watch the news on TV any more. It was too much. We lived below 14th street so we could not even take our car out of the garage and get out of town. So we decided to go to the movies. And we laughed. A lot. If a movie can make you laugh with all that going on - it is funny. And will always hold a special place for me.
7. Dogma – One of the great funny movies about religion and the end of the world. Very clearly it sets out various themes or schools of religious thought while at the same time remaining light and funny. Ben Affleck doesn’t suck in it, which is an achievement in and of itself. And Salma Hayek as a stripper in a Catholic Schoolgirl outfit, is worth the price of admission alone. Kevin Smith does have knack for getting hot girls in cool outfits. Have you seen Eliza Dushku and Shannon Elizabeth in the cat suits in Jay and Silent Bob?
8. Abbot & Costello meet Frankenstein – What made the Abbot & Costello movies so great is that everyone else in the movie would play the film straight. All the comedy was left to them. This is style is even more evident in this movie. Bela Ligousi and Lon Channy Jr. play Dracula and the Wolfman absolutely straight, like it was any other horror film. This makes the comedy so much more funny.
9. Empire Strikes Back – Why Empire Strikes Back instead of Star Wars – Finding out Darth Vader is Luke’s farther is a major event in movie history. It’s Huge. Plus better directing and more exciting. It has everything right.

Here are why some books made the list:

1. Illuminatus! - Robert Anton Wilson & Robert Shae – “Illuminatus! is important on several levels. Some of the elements of import are the inculcation of non-linear thinking in the reader and the entering into and out of paranoia that the book deliberately brings to the reader. Illuminatus! helps to develop a more powerful, more resilient, mind. It brings the reader to a heightened state. It explores "What is reality?".”
2. Dune – “Dune is one of the greatest books ever written. It delves into the human condition and forces the reader to ask "what is human?". It shows the reader that human potential is limitless. That the limits we impose upon ourselves are often arbitrary and that the limits of what we can do are yet to be discovered. It directs, if subtly, the reader to explore the concept of multi-dimensional existence; that we do in fact exist on more planes of consciousness and dimension than perhaps are formally recognized today. Not all can be explained in terms of mathematics. Some things can be known, but not taught. Mathematically describe the flapping of a flag or hold a cloth in the wind? Which imparts the lesson of movement? Learned but not taught. So it is with Dune. The forces and motions of a society as a whole are greater than the sum of the individual parts. You cannot give a simpleton diagnosis to a society at large. There are forces of great power and limitless (apparent) energy. The drive to procreate. The need for love. The dangers of indulgence. As we act so do we become. The myriad slippery slopes we face in our daily choices. Dune makes one think and in thinking, in being aware of a life as a system, a system that impacts and echoes through other systems, one is awake. This is a lesson of the Kwisatz Haderach: One man is always the difference. Everything we do or don't do every day counts. It affects all of mankind. The echo of one can change the thought of all. Dune is required reading because it is essential to the development of the species in getting on with its growth that the Sleeper Must Awaken.”
3. Good Omens - Neil Gaimen and Terry Pratchet – The funniest book I have ever read. I was laughing so hard I had to put the book down. If I thought about the book while riding the subway on my way to work, I would just burst out laughing.
4. Einstein’s Dreams - Alan Lightman – The most poetic non-poetry book I have ever read. Deals with the fairly complicated concept of time in a beautiful and simple way. One of those books that gets you to pause and really think about important concepts and issues, yet remains light.
5. Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail 72, - Hunter Thompson – Best book on politics ever. Glimpse into, what has turned out to be a simpler time. Plus the Nixon discussing football section shows a different light on a president whose positive accomplishments have been forgotten in the light of his crimes. Seems like now presidential crimes are forgotten far to quickly.
6. As Told at the Explorers Club – Great stories by real people who lived the lives most of us read about in books or go to movies to see. I found it hard to go back to reading fiction after reading about some of the things these people have seen and done.
7. The Collected Star Man comics – James Robinson – First of all the art is amazing. If you like stuff from the Golden Age of comics, it does it well. Written with a lot of respect, thought and intelligence. It has real emotion. One part always makes me want to cry. Three characters go into Hell and are tested. It’s the most emotionally real comic I have ever read. Striking at the core of you in that it’s relationship between the characters are real. More so than any other comic or book that I have ever read.
8. Tom Sawyer - is a book which I probably read three times and would recommend to every young American. It is part history, adventure and life. I could have closed my eyes and I was Tom.

Only in New York

Below is a link to a website full of snippets of conversations that New Yorkers hear other New Yorkers say. I have to admit, this is what we sound like.

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/

Here are a couple to give you a flavor:


Drunk girl: Sometimes, when I look at myself through the microscope of cold, hard objectivity, I think to myself, "God, you are awesome!"
--47th & 9th

Guy: I mean, eating your own cum is one thing, but eating it on a pizza four hours later? I should probably keep my voice down...
--43rd & 8th

Teen girl #1: What's a "fortnight"?
Teen girl #2: It's British for "ten days"; like, "I'll be gone for a fortnight."
Teen girl #1: Oh yeah, that makes total sense.
--LaGuardia

Quote about the Internet

"It's like a big library, everything you ever wanted to know is in there...except some crazy bastard came in and knocked all the shelves over, and then dumped his porno collection on top of the mess" -Judge Khan about the Internet.

Coat Hangers for South Dakota

Someone sent this to me and it sounds like a good idea to me.

Got any coat hangers lying around? Yes? Good. Got a box? Yes? Ok now put as many coat hangers as you can into said box and mail it to The governor of South Dakota:

Office of the Governor
500 E. Capitol Ave.
Pierre, SD 57501

Let's remind them what happens when abortion is illegal.

In Progress - Worst Movie List

So we have the best movies people recommend - now for the worst. Send me your list of 5 worst movies and I will add them into the list.

The movies are listed alphabetically and by the number of votes they have.

So far we have:

1. Planet of the Apes - the Tim (I have to wipe my ass on really good things) Burton remake. What a monumental piece of crap. I have had hemorrhoids that I enjoyed more. And the ending - what the ever living fuck was that? The movie contradicted itself so many times and in so many ways it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. Do not see it. First movie with 2 votes.
2. 30th Anniversary Night of the Living Dead DVD - they recut the film. Check out this great rant http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=4397 - Best Rant about a bad movie ever!
3. 13 Ghosts - The remake
4. Batman - Another Tim Burton suck fest. I have to admit I saw this twice because the first time I could not believe how bad it was. I figured "Well I am a fan of the Batman comic, so maybe I am just being really hard on the film." So in all fairness I saw it again. Still sucked
5. Blue velvet - Imagine Salvador Dali directing "Abbot & Costello meet Marilyn Chambers". Now make it unfunny and boring. I was more interested in the coat of the guy sitting in front of me than this movie. I think if a date drags you to a movie that sucks this bad she ows your a BJ.
6. Boxing Helena - Another film that even though there is a lot of nudity, and hot nudity at that, it does not matter - nothing will ever save this movie. When I and the audience left the movie we told the people waiting on line to go see another film. When someone responded that it could not be that bad, we all looked at each other and in unison said "It's a dream sequence". Everyone on line went to another movie.
7. Destiny Turns On the Radio - One of the most boring movies ever made. Quentin Tarantino guest starred as a favor to his no-talent director buddy. A complete waste of everyone's time.
8. Double Agent 73 - This is a soft core movie where secret agent Chesty Morgan has a camera inserted in her breast so when she wants to take a picture she whips it out and squeezes. I was going through puberty when I saw this movie and even all the nudity could not save this movie.
9. Eraserhead - The second David Lynch movie, but Tim Burton is still ahead in sucking.
10. Family Stone
11. Howling 2
12. Howling 3
13. Howling 4
14. Howling 5
15. Interview with a Vampire - Second Tom Cruise movie to make the list
16. Ishtar
17. Jaws 3D
18. Mars Attacks - In the long, long list of awful, fake-artsy Tim Burton movies, this one sucks the most ass. Quite a feat there, Tim.
19. Meet the Fockers - Second Ben Stiller movie to make the list.
20. Something about Mary - Cameron Diaze would have to actually give blowjobs in the theater to get me to see this waste of time again.
21. Star Trek V: The Final Frontier - Shatner finally gets to direct one and boy is it an ass wipe of a film. The plot involves Spock's long lost never mentioned brother. But the main reason he did it - the final fight of the movie - Kirk vs. God. And Kirk wins.
22. Starship Troopers
23. Surf Nazi's Must Die - The shittiest of all the shitty Troma movies. Granted, that's like comparing which is worse: leprosy or ebola. They both suck, but which would you rather die from?
24. Tarzan the Ape Man - This convinced me that Bo Derek sucks. In fact, everyone involved with this movie sucks. I suck for sitting thru it. Boring soft-core porn for people who are afraid to watch the real thing.
25. Top Gun - Jingoistic Tom Cruise bullshit with an annoying, awful soundtrack. This movie is why the 80's sucked. Really. It's solely responsible. It ruined the decade for me.

Please note that the quotes are from the various people who submitted to this list and do not necessarily express the viewpoints of this blog.

They probably do though.

Especially anything about Tim Burton sucking monkey cock.